Saturday, May 12, 2007

Shamanisms 5:41

I have received a lot of queries from friends (who else can I armtwist to read my blog!!) as to what a shamanism actually is. Well the queen’s dictionary will throw up diddley on shamanisms but then the it also throws up diddley on diddley! I am sure there is some irony there somewhere if you are a manic depressive female rocker from Canada (I think she is manic depressive primarily because she is majorly pissed at being Canadian). In any case I shall get to the point as soon as I find what it is or if there actually is one! Anyways today I shall share some shamanisms with all you kittens who have managed to save yourself from being blindsided and clobbered to death in a shady alley by Curiosity. Read on and convert to this movement (Please.. theres just me so far!!)

Goals: Since it has something to do with soccer and life lets use a soccer analogy. Goals are like the football that you keep kicking along a straight road. You kick the ball, run after it for a while till you catch up only to kick it harder and run behind it again. This process might seem stupid but it keeps you occupied for a long time (Or till The Reaper catches up with you)

Truth and Lies
: Bastard children of the anthromorphic personification called Catch 22 and the Bitch (See Life). Truth says they are twins. Lies says its younger.. the debate rages on In any point of life you get butwhacked if you take ones side and butwhacked if you take the other’s

Honesty: A sweet demure woman who has forever been having an on and off thing with Lies. You do the math.

Guilt: Strikes mainly the stupid. If you are stupid anyone will load you up nicely with dollops of it. If you are smart you realize that it’s all a hoax anyways (See Life). Sometimes though a little bit of it gives you the right perspective and helps you lose your righteousness.

Righteousness: A really really smart invention (but just like inventions go it needs to be created, never exists just by itself). Sort of an anti-guilt shot. Take it once and drastically reduce the odds of guilt ever striking.

Relationships: Life’s equivalent of an appendix. Practically useless when they are around but letting it go involves a whole lot of pain (and maybe some passing out)

God: The Shaman’s favorite conversation partner. He nods in semi-approval .. errr maybe semi-disapproval. But he always smiles. Hmmm … the Shaman needs to do more research in this area.

Life: A total BITCH!!

Death: Usually seen wearing a black cape with a black hood covering the head. Very few people know that Death is actually a woman in a black gothic evening gown bearing a striking resemblance to Monica Bellucci

Marriage: Something that is supposed to be about Truth and Honesty but its most probably where Lies and Honesty began their passionate liason. Don’t believe me???
Where will you hear these lines most often “Darling the food isn’t burnt at all its just well done and crispy!!”. “I promise ill come back home early next weekend” Haha!!!

Happiness: A hoax played by God (could this be the reason why he is smiling all the time?). Like all hoaxes the dumb people believe in it and the smart ones see through it. So does it really pay to be smart??

The Shaman: Peter Pan in a Neverland, which is quite empty. Tinkerbell is currently pursuing a career in showbiz and all the other kids have gone of for higher studies. Or have been diagnosed as retards and receiving treatment at present. Shaman escaped treatment by hiding on Captain Hook’s vessel. Now he is all alone wondering if he should’ve grown up. Last heard he was wooing someone who looked suspiciously like Monica Bellucci (see DEATH)with an obsession for gothic wear and coming up with this new movement called Shamanisms (whatever that means) to make new friends. Loneliness does funny things to people!


Blogger The Dude said...

Nice blog you got here... good stuff.

1:22 AM  
Blogger elusive said...

i like the see life part popping up every now n then.

7:51 AM  
Blogger elusive said...

best was relationships..heh..i so agree wit u on this one.

7:53 AM  

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